Winning and Losing

I have had this post mulling around in my head for a week now.  Last Monday, Ayden had the privilege of representing his grade level at the district-wide spelling bee.  In order to get to that point, he had to be one of the top four from his class spelling bee.  He then went on to compete with his 3 classmates and the top 4 spellers from the other first grade class.  We tried to be really low-key about it, saying how it would be cool if he won, but not big deal if he didn't win.

I remember that as we were driving to school that morning he told me, "But, I just really want to win, Mama."  I told him that I understood, because we all like to win and nobody likes to lose.  But, that he should remember that if someone else won, that he should be happy for them and congratulate them, because they, too, had probably worked hard on the words.

After he won, we had a fun night of celebrating at home as a family.  We enjoyed a movie night and ate his favorite dinner.  And then we began practicing for the big-boy spelling bee...the district-wide bee with a real trophy up for grabs and everything.

Ayden is a naturally good speller.  I'd like to take credit for it, but its nothing but a gift from the Lord.  Seriously, its like to boy sees a word (or any other piece of information, for that matter), and then, its just there.  Like, forever.

So, we practiced a little most nights, spelling a few words here and there each time.  I knew that they had made it most of the way through the first grade list at school, and he was able to spell all of the words on his list, so we really focused on the second grade list.  You know, because they would move to that one if they exhausted the first grade words and still hadn't determined a winner.

The "wh-" words and "been" gave Ayden a little trouble, so the last few days, we practiced those extra.  I had him spell all the trouble words on the morning of the spelling bee, and he spelled every single one of them correctly.

He was ready.

I tucked a note in his lunchbox, packed his backpack with a few books to help pass the time, dressed him in a nice church-y outfit, and took him to meet the bus at the school with a kiss and hug and a reminder that Daddy and I would be there when it was time for first grade. 

And, we were.  Video camera and camera in hand.  And, fresh from the prayers we had just uttered on Ayden's behalf.  Not prayers for him to win, but prayers that he would have a happy heart no matter the outcome.

We were ready to capture the moment as he took his place with the other first graders.  He breezed through the first two practice rounds.  He even remembered to say the letters nice and slowly, like his Daddy had said.  Then, it was time for the real deal.

I wanted him to win, ya'll.  I couldn't help it.  My mama's heart wanted to see him succeed and win.  It comes with the mama territory.

But, he didn't win. 

In fact, he missed his very first word. 

A word he knew how to spell.  A word he's spelled correctly somewhere around a zillion times.  As the caller told him that he'd spelled the word incorrectly, shock registered on his face.  Then, his eyes found mine as he came back to his seat, eliminated.  My heart broke for my boy.  He was so disappointed.  He'd been so nervous (although he says he wasn't) that he didn't even realize he'd spelled it wrong.

He sat on my lap and said, "I just forgot, Mama.  I just forgot.  And, I really wanted to win a medal."  Ahhh.  Arrow straight to my heart.  My heart hurt for him.

But, I was so proud of him.  You see, Ayden's tendency is to act kind of ugly when he loses.  To pout and say mean things.  But, he didn't this time.  Don't get me wrong, he was incredibly disappointed to have lost.  But, he made us so proud by the way he handled himself.

You see, one of the character qualities Jesse and I have been praying specifically over Ayden this year is that he would learn to both win and lose gracefully.  Of course, losing isn't fun.  But, its part of life.  And we want Ayden to have integrity and honor as his character no matter the situation.

So, I couldn't have been more excited to see this change in his heart.  Because, when we look back in 20 years, it won't matter if Ayden won or lost the spelling bee.  Thats why his character is our concern.  We want him (and all of our children) to grow up to live lives that bring honor and glory to the Lord.  And, my sweet boy, took a step in the right direction.

I'm so thankful to be his mom.