Marriage and The Church

Jesse made a statement to me today, and I can't get it out of my head.

"Its amazing how few people really believe in the sanctity of marriage, no matter what."

Wow.  

We were so young when we got married.  So very young.  And immature.  We didn't have a clue what we were getting into.  Thank goodness we had wise and grounded believers around us to invest in us and give us wise counsel.

There are a few things we learned during our premarital counseling that have really stuck with us through the years.  Mainly about conflict.  I remember learning how to "fight fair" and not bring up a list of grievances from the past but to focus on the issue at hand.  Not to use phrases like "you always ___" or "you never ___."  We may not have a perfect record with it, but 11 1/2 years later, we still remember and do our best to be fair.

The other thing was this: Never, ever, no matter what, use the word "divorce."

We made the decision before we ever said "I do" that divorce would not be an option for us.  Never.  Ever.  No matter what.  We are committed to this thing.  In it together.  Forever.  It's kind of a big deal.

And, boy, has it ever been worth the commitment.  My 19-year-old-getting-ready-to-walk-down-the-aisle-to-marry-my-hot-high-school-sweetheart-self could have never known just how much work marriage is.  Or how rewarding.  At our wedding, I remember one sweet couple hugging us and saying, "This first year will be great.  But, it will also be the worst year of your marriage.  Because, every single year just gets better than the last."  Profoundly true, my friends.  I am so much more in love with Jesse than I was the day I married him.  I loved him, then.  But, after all that we have shared, its a deeper and more appreciative and a more thankful love than ever before.

Today, as we struggle with heavy hearts for those fellow believers around us that want to just give up and walk away, I feel like God spoke to my heart.  

Marriage is meant to be the ultimate representation of God's covenant love and relationship with us.  When Christians so easily walk away from their covenant with their spouse, how can we expect the world around us to see Jesus?

Why aren't we willing to fight for our spouse?  Why do we take the easy way out?  Why do we throw away those we once claimed to love?  We make up excuses, we blame, we hide, we accuse, we try to justify.

In Malachi 2:15, God tells us not to break faith "with the wife of your youth."  When we take our vows, we don't say "for better or worse....or until you hurt me too deeply or make it too hard or I find someone I like more"  Its supposed to be sacred.  Holy.  Set apart.  

In Mark 10 when the Pharisees tested Jesus and asked if it was lawful for men to divorce, Jesus challenged them right back.  He already knew Moses had commanded that divorce was sometimes permissible.  But, Jesus said in verse 5: "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law."

A marriage between believers is a picture of Jesus (the bridegroom) and the Church (the bride).  We should hold it sacred.  Jesus doesn't throw us away because we've sinned too much or messed up one too many times.  Jesus doesn't work that way.  Jesus is a perfect example of a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love.  And Jesus should be our standard...not the world or even other believers around us - because Jesus is the only perfect one.

God has used these verses to work deeply in my heart in the last year and a half: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.  Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 4:32-5:2

I guess the message on my heart today is this: When the going gets tough, fight for your marriage.  Be kind.  Compassionate.  Forgiving.  Imitate God.  Live a life of love.  You won't regret it in the end.  In fact, it will be more than worth it.  Go ahead, give it a try.