A Very Merry Christmas

Well, we're back home after ten glorious days spent with our friends and family in McDonald County. After all those hours on the road, there's nothing quite like topping the hill and seeing the U of A...and then Rogers...Bentonville...Bella Vista...the Jane Wal-Mart...Rains Road...White Bluff Road...rounding the corner and seeing the farm....knowing we're on the dirt road and can unbuckle the boys and let them finish the last mile on our laps...and then finally seeing mom and dad's house come into view. I'm getting a little teary eyed now just thinking about it. We were busy and yet not busy and had such a wonderful visit. We even got a white Christmas!! It was a little strange for Jesse and I (and I think mom and dad, too) for us to do our Christmas with the kids at a place other than our own living room...but such a sweet time, too. And, we had picture takers and video takers so we could both enjoy helping and watching the boys open. Of course we started with the Christmas story and I got a lump in my throat as I watched all three of my boys snuggle on their daddy's lap to listen. Santa brought Camden a sit/stand play table thingy thats really cool and makes lots of noise...Landy got a new Buzz Lightyear and a Toy Story chair...and Ayden got the yellow Transformer that he's been asking Santa for. Bless his heart...he's so fun at this age!! As we put him in bed, "Santa" showed up outside the window with a "Ho, Ho, Ho" and a jingle of sleigh bells. Ayden said, "That's not the Santa I know. I'm going to hide!!" and the pulled the blankets over his eyes! It took him a loooong time to fall asleep and he told me that he just couldn't get his eyes to close.

I also got to spend not one, but TWO days with my mom and sisters as we shopped til we dropped. I haven't had the chance to go shopping with anyone other than the boys since we moved to Jacksonville and I so I haven't gotten much in the way of clothes since then. And I was in some serious need! It was so nice to have people to give me opinions, and,.....well, if you're a girl you just know what I mean! I got some cute new clothes and still have a little more Christmas money burnin' a hole in my pocket. Mostly, though, I loved being with mom, Heather, and Katie. It seemed so....normal. I miss those girls!!

A few days before we left we were able to have an early birthday party for Ayden. So much fun! He got a Thomas train track and when he saw it he said "Just what I've always wanted!" He was such a sweet boy and told everyone thank you and gave them hugs as he opened his gifts. He even blew out his candles and smiled when we sang to him... When did he get to be so big?

The night we left my momma made me my favorite dinner...meatloaf...much to the chagrin of most of the rest of the family. This would have been the first year I can remember when my mom didn't cook dinner for my birthday, but she took care of it by cooking that night. As we were all gathered around the table eating, I got the biggest lump in my throat. I kept thinking that it seemed so....normal....I kept coming back to that. Yes, the waterworks started at that point and didn't truly stop until WELL into our drive.

In Sunday School this morning we talked about the plans we make for our lives and how we reconcile that with what God has for us. My life is NOT the life I had planned. I never planned to move away. I never planned to raise my babies anywhere far way from their grandparents. I never planned to reacquaint myself with my niece and nephew every time I visit and vice versa with my kids. I never planned to look forward to a day shopping with adult companions. I never planned for a lot of things. But God did. God asked Jesse and I to be obedient. And He has blessed us for doing so. Making friends is so difficult for me, but God is bringing friends into my life. He is bringing people into our life that love our boys. I don't really know how to put into words what I'm thinking and feeling. Leaving MO this time was hard....really hard. I don't know when we'll get to go back. Thinking it may not be until next Christmas is almost more than I can bear. I've already missed so much....my baby sister has fallen in love since I've been gone, my niece and nephew have reached all kinds of baby milestones. Basically, life has gone on for them...and it has for us. But sometimes it doesn't feel like it should...

I think I'm starting to ramble...So, let's wrap it up. My sweet sweet friend sent me a text message just before we left and again after we got home...and I know she thinks it wasn't a big deal...but it was. Knowing that there are people here who love us is what makes it okay for me to leave my family, even if it is hard. I may not have planned for my life to follow this path, but in the end, as hard as this is to say, would I really want it any other way?